Date a Chinese girl and her family might come too

December 21, 2007 – 5:08 pm

Chinese women have long been considered to be among most desirable partners in the world, for both Asian and Western men.

Traditionally, Chinese women have been seen as faithful, trusting and delicate, among the most attractive qualities for women throughout the ages.

In modern times, Chinese women are thought to be considerate, intelligent, faithful and beautiful. Their reputation has earned them the sought after status they still retain.

Nonetheless, if you meet a Chinese girl at home or abroad, you’ll need to understand a little bit about her culture and the vital role her family plays in her life.

For a Chinese woman, family comes first. She will probably have a strong tie to her parents, siblings and her entire extended family.

Chinese children are also expected to take care of their elders, so family dedication is something that lasts a lifetime. For you to win the girl, you will also have to win over her family.

You need to be prepared for initial resistance from her parents, especially her father. For Chinese men, ‘losing face’, is considered the lowest form of shame.

If a wealthy man’s daughter marries a Westerner it could be considered just such a loss of face. If this is an issue in your girlfriend’s relationship with her parents, there is little you can do about it.

Just relax and ride it out – her family will need to deal with this on their own. However, there are ways that you can help out your situation.

Since children are expected to care for their elderly parents, they may be afraid that you’ll take their daughter abroad leaving them without care in old age.

You may want to express to your Chinese girlfriend that you understand this tradition. If marriage is in question you may want to promise her that you won’t forget about her family in their golden years.

If she lets her parents know that you respect this tradition they may welcome you into the family more willingly.

Many Chinese keep in touch through an extended network of friends and family. This is also the primary way in which they find out about their daughter’s love interests.

Since you have no local connections, they may worry you don’t come from a good background. If you don’t speak Chinese they may also feel they can’t communicate with you and they won’t be able to get to know you.

Introducing your girlfriend to your family and friends and letting her send photos back home could be helpful. You may also want to learn a little or a lot of Mandarin or Cantonese. Speaking Chinese shows that you have genuine interest in communicating with her family.

Winning over mom and dad can be tricky in your own country, but dealing with parents from a foreign country can make things even trickier. You just need devotion and patience to win over your Chinese girlfriend’s parents.

So do your best to learn a as much as you can about her customs, culture and language to get started on a lasting relationship with a Chinese woman and remember to take it slow. It will be worth it in the end.